5 weeks.. well now 7 weeks

I actually wrote this 2 weeks ago, but this is the first real chance I have had to post it, so sorry this is late.

Dear Fred

Last night you properly smiled at me for the first time and I thought my heart would explode. It wasn’t one of your windy smiles, this was a dedicated “Daddy’s home!” smile, more with your eyes than the curvature of your mouth, though you did have you tongue out and your lips were in a smile position. But your eyes, that’s what made it special.

You’re fast growing up, 5 weeks old and you’re trying to stand! I’m pretty sure you should try and crawl first, but no you know you can stand and you’re trying very hard to do so. You are fast becoming your own little character, and I think you have your mum and I already well trained.

At the weekend you did your first social engagements, a wedding which you slept through, your first party, which you cried throughout, and then you met all of the family on Sunday. Great-Grandma was a tad bony for you, but Grandma was more than ample in sending you to sleep, as well as Grumps and I discussing your future No 8 status. He is adamant that you will be an England No 8, I think you will be in green. I think we can both agree you’ll be in the Lions.

Now I have been trying to interpret your increasing number of random noises that you make, and slowly I’m building a fault analysis for you. This is so at 2am I can try and work out what you want (you haven’t yet quite got baby signing, but you are learning). This diagram shows my current working out.

For those in the real world who maybe reading this, I am not a doctor, and this is based off of my personal (limited) experience, and is very much a work in progress. Please, please, please, follow your common sense and if you have any doubts regarding the health of your baby, contact the professionals. However, this may offer some insights and I have detailed some other observations below.

Separate to the above are some other random reasons for babies crying

1. Cholic – usually a very screamy wail, this is a chronic pain and is horrible. If baby has this, it may be a case of grin and bear it, which is horrible. Contact your GP and seek out support if it persists. Cry-Sis offer phone support for parents who need it

2. Growth Spurts – Random baby crying, that may not have a cause could easily be a growth spurt. They may require feeding a lot more often and may well be very clingy.

3. Because they want to... And they don’t comprehend that you may need sleep at some point. The only thing I can suggest is support each other. Take it in turns to have baby and allow the other parent to sleep for a couple of hours. Yes it hurts in the morning, but its better that both parents get 2 hours sleep each than neither of them.

Don’t panic, and if possible do not go randomly googling stuff. Find websites you trust (NHS or NCT for example offer great advice for parents and has the backing of research and clinical evidence), otherwise you can easily convince yourself that your baby has raving Looney space rabies

And remember, you are not alone. There are other parents, first timers and those with other kids, who are going through the same things you are. Seek out groups local to you, get out of the house and mix, take baby along it will do all of you the world of good. People forget that we are social creatures and raising kids used to be very communal. We are naturally wired this way and by having a support network (especially Dads who can sometimes feel very forgotten/left out) you and your children will be more stable, supported and above all happier.

So what have I learnt in the last few weeks?

1.       Music has played a big part of your development. Having played songs to you in the womb it really helps to calm you down and helps you settle

2.       Like your dad, you hate the heat. The last weeks have been horrendous for us both, but I have not minded when you cry. Just wait till I show you proper weather and your first snowball fight

3.       You handle long journeys really well, and we made sure you were well fed and watered and not sitting down too long. I think all of those plane flights you took while in the womb helped.

4.       I think you are working to your own development schedule. As I said early, you are trying to walk already, but Mum and Dad are being very sensible and ensuring that you don’t overdo it. I do think some nice crawling first though eh lad.

5.       I’m disappointed the BBC didn’t cover your birth as well as they’ve covered someone elses, and to be fair you’re the better looking baby.

6.       I’m a very very proud Dad.

Right, time to see if you will settle down, or do I need to start singing to you again?

Love you loads

Dad

4 weeks old, will i ever sleep again

Dear Fred,

Today is your fourth week with us, and the first chance I’ve had to actually write to you, as you are intent to keep me running round after you since you arrived.

You were born on the 13th July and 9.23 in the morning, after 5 hours of delivery in the pool in our dining room, overlooked by divine majesty, Uther the bearded dragon. Your arrival, despite the amount of mental build up I had conducted, caused me to mentally stop, I had a personal BSOD and it took Laura, the lady who did our photos of the birth, to tell me to go over to your mum and tell her whether you were a boy or a girl.

Now, despite my predictions, you are a boy, so thank you for proving your old man wrong from the get go. However, you are an amazing person and the greatest joy I have had is learning a little about you each day. Every day you are developing into your own person and that genuinely fills me with so much love and pride that I wonder how I can keep it all inside. Truth is I don’t and can often be found holding you in my arms, smiling at you while in tears.

Luckily we have had a relatively easy time of it (barring the sleeping which I will discuss in a minute) and you’ve given us few issues to contend with. You were tongue-tied when you landed, which caused you to be very windy when you first were eating, but a quick visit to a specialist got that all sorted for you. You didn’t cry until the nurse put a swab in your mouth, which you did not like and gave such a filthy look. With such a withering frown you certainly follow your dad’s loathing of interference.  Besides a little infection that we sorted with some antibiotics that’s it for dramas so far, not bad for a month.

Now with my genes I knew you would not like the summer time, especially the stifling nights and lack of breezes, but would you just let your mum sleep for a bit. I’m now back at work, which is necessary for me to keep a roof over our heads, but you don’t let your mum rest, and as she provides you with subsidence I would suggest this is a bad tactic. Also don’t get so frustrated with your lack of mobility. You are 4 weeks old, you shouldn’t be trying to walk or crawl but you seem not to care, and are trying any and all ways to move yourself. I always thought newborns were supposed to just sleep eat and cry, but you are almost holding your head up and if a little stronger in the legs I’d be certain you would be running already. You do not need your Dad’s impatience so slow down son, and develop in your own time.

However, I think it is universally agreed you are one of the cutest babies around. Of course your mum and I are going to say that, we’re your parents and will always think you are cute, but I think most others agree you are adorable. Please keep this up as it will stand you in good stead later in life. You seem to wish to be a pirate, as you usually look at us with only one eye, especially if you have just woken up. That is unless I’m trying to get you to sleep, in which case you will just lay awake, both eyes sparkling a deep blue. So far you have reminded me both of my Dad and your Uncle Ryan, especially when you’re all frowny and grumbly. Other times I can see Grumps and I think you have your mum’s nose. You will be a big grown up, and you certainly will be doing lots of sporty things when you are older, or else you may find you inherit my big belly, which I would rather you didn’t. You are also going to be tall, last measuring had you at 11lbs 2oz, and over 22 inches long (these figures will make no sense to you as you will learn metric, lets just say your tall for your age).

Going briefly back to your arrival, I am so glad I read to you while you were in the womb. As soon as you were handed to me (your mum was delivering the placenta so was otherwise engaged) I sat there, pressed you against my chest and started to talk to you, immediately you settled and snuggled in tighter and from that second I knew that you knew that I was your dad and that memory still makes me feel the feels. Even writing this now is making my eyes mist over, must be hayfever or something (sniff).

So what have you learnt so far… in the month you’ve been here you can open your eyes, you can focus of single objects, you’re learning about shapes and colours (you like zebras but not penguins), your dexterity is improving, as you can reach fingers rather than missing hands, you make random noises with your favourite being a high pitched “oh”, like you’ve just understood some deep mystery of the universe, you know who Mum and the strange beardy one is, you know that being in a sling is a great place to sleep, and that mummy and daddy love you lots and lots.

And you know that crying gets attention very quickly.

Each day is a journey of discovery for all of us, especially you, but we are learning new things as well. I’m learning to cherish every moment I’m with you, especially now I’m away from you more often, and that I’m so proud of your mum for doing an amazing job.

Now to get 5 minutes sleep before I sing and rock you to sleep again

All my love

Dad

Welcome home

Hello Fred,

You arrived with us on Thursday 13th June 2013 at 9.23 am with a splash. As planed you were a water-birth at home, and due to your big shoulders (second row here we come) your mum had to stand and move around to get you out. Luckily this mild inconvenience was the only real drama of what was a very smooth, if slightly long, labor.

Your mum started early on Monday morning, moaning in her sleep in an unusual, slightly rhythmic way. As the day progressed the feelings she were having came and went, sometimes a few altogether, sometimes they'd disappear for a couple of hours. This continued into Tuesday, and by Tuesday afternoon we called the midwife, a lovely lady called Jenny, to see how we were doing. "Not today", she said, "have a nice hot curry and we'll see about either tonight or tomorrow.

The curry was nice, and by Wednesday morning things were moving at a brisker pace. Again we called the midwife, and Becky, who was covering Jenny's patients while she was on holiday, came over and confirmed that your mum was 4 cms dilated. Good we thought, as your mum had been very uncomfortable, and the surges now were getting very strong. "I'll inform the on-call midwife to expect a call tonight from you".

However, by the evening, the surges had got less rhythmic, and after a quick chat with the midwife, we decided to head to bed.

2 am and your mum couldn't get comfy, so we decided to sit downstairs and doze for a bit. By 4am, your mum said "I feel strange". I called the midwife

"I'm on my way", This was Carly, the on-call midwife for the night shift.

With your mum on her bouncy ball and me trying to heat the pool up to the correct Temp, Carly arrived and could see that your arrival was getting close, a quick call to her colleague and we got your mum ready for birth. As soon as she hit the pool your mum felt better, but her body was telling her to push. The rest I barely remember as I was solely concentrating on helping you into the world. I do remember your mum feeling your head and then wishing you to pop out. Then with a little jiggling, out you popped. I was so wrapped up in the moment I forgot to tell your mum what you were.

Now, you may remember that I had a feeling you would be a girl, well, I can say I was wrong, you are a beautiful, bouncy boy. Which threw a spanner in the works cos we now didn't have any names for you (if you were a girl you would have been called Rowena Winifred).

Luckily, I had always known that I needed to see you to be able to name you properly if you were a boy. You have a Gaelic look to you, inheriting some of my stubbornness and spirit, along with your mums looks and both of our tallness. So capturing your spirit we have decided on Aiden, and of course, your middle name will be Frederick.

Welcome to the world my son, I love you so very very much, and though you are only a few days old your impact on my life has been tremendous. Not the lack of the sleep, or the way i feel when you cry, but the overwhelming feeling of love and devotion I have for you. I'm watching you sleep right now, with a beaming smile on my face simply because you are here.

Now, I will continue writing these notes to you as you grow, cos my memory is terrible and I want you to have a record of what your life was like when you were young. However, now we get to share the adventure.

Talk soon,

All my love

Dad xxx

It's the final countdown!

Well Fred,

We are about a week away from your arrival and I’m very, very excited. Though I think the realisation that you are almost here is setting in for both your mum and I. We’ve been busy sorting out your room and your sleeping arrangements for when you are born, the line is full of clothes, cloths and other such things that you’ll need once your hear and I’ve been busy with screwdriver ensuring cot and crib are ready for you.

Your mum is doing amazingly well, and is now about ready to get her own body back I think. The aches are getting worse and your wiggling at night is keeping us both up. I think it’s a subtle training regime to get me ready for the sleepless nights to come.

Names are still proving to be an issue. If you’re a girl you’re ok. If you’re a boy then be prepared as it will either be something cool, or weird, or just Fred.

I cannot wait to meet you, and hold you. And then take you out in your snazzy Dr Who wrap that we’ve got for you. Not looking forward to all of the trials that are ahead of us, but I’m not looking too far into the future. Just wish that I could do more to help you into the world, and just know I would gladly swap with your Mum if I could. But your mum is a very strong, determined woman and given her stubbornness I’m sure your arrival will be drama free.

One thing is for certain, you will be surrounded by the most generous, the most loving people you can possibly imagine, even if some of them are a little mad.

Not long now,

Dad xxx

the one with a giant stuff dog and too much lego

Dear Fred, Not long to go now, we’re down to 7 weeks till your impeding arrival. I’ve got plenty of hot water ready, fresh towels and a big catching mit ready. If all else fails I’ve set up a spring loaded cargo net, cos, well I’m not blessed with the best catching skills. I’m pretty certain I know how this delivery stuff works. (Ooh do I need a pen to sign for you?). Your Mum and I were discussing the impact that you are going to have on us, specifically your mum’s sleep. I have reassured her that sleep will become a distant memory for the first 10 years of your life and that I will do all I can to make this time as easy as possible. I keep having dreams though. The other night I dreamt that you required a truck to take you to places; last night I dreamt I put you to bed and all your arms and legs fell off. I think I feeling either over protective or scared of breaking you. Either that or my subconscious is telling me that I played with Lego too much in my life, (nahhhh) You’re certainly having more of an influence on your surroundings. Your mum has been giggling at you quite a bit now, as all of a sudden we have arms and legs flailing about. Also your mum has had a premonition and contrary to my thoughts she thinks you will be a boy. Typically I cannot think of any decent boys names that A. I like, B. your mum will let me have (apparently Darth is not a name). The quest continues, one thing is for sure, you seem to like my singing. I played my guitar for you last night, and you were I believe jiggling around enjoying the sounds. Either that or you were trying to work out which bits to block up to drown out the awful racket. Also you much prefer the hobbit, less scary voices. Oh and stop kicking your mum’s hips. She doesn’t need any assistance in opening up her pelvic area unless you feel you have a particularly large head. Grumps has gone and bought you a humungous cuddly dog. He doesn’t want you to be scared of animals. However, as we have snakes and Uther, the supreme emperor of the universe (all worship his scaly contemptuous benevolence) and Grumps and Grandma have Cookie and Jade, who are not small, nor the least bouncy of dogs, I don’t think you’re going to have too much trouble with animals. By having your own stuffed one, Grumps rationalises that this will ensure you’re not scared of them. To be fair, I don’t think we have to worry about a bed until you are at least 20 now as the dog takes up your room pretty much. And then you get to meet crazy aunty Hels and her collection of random stuff, and if you can survive that then you’re pretty much impervious to known forms of scary things. Not Hels, she’s not scary, she’s lovely! Now I wonder if I can get you Mum to agree to Sherlock, or Professor Pterodactyl? See you soon Dad xxx

Hello Fred, I’m sitting in Granny’s house writing a quick note for you as Granny is knitting you a very colourful hoody. We’re been talking about a lot of the last couple of days and we are now into the final stages of your first life, the life before you emerge into the world. We have decided that if everything goes to plan, you will be born at home, possibly in a pool, with your mum and I helping you into the world together. I think the other couples that we’ve met along this path think we’re a little too hippy, but, as far as I see it, anything that helps you into the world, without too much distress and chemicals; Obviously if you change your mind on this and decide to be awkward then we’ll take all of the options available for us. The house is quickly overflowing with stuff… your cupboard (yes you have a cupboard. I don’t have a cupboard, I share a cupboard, but you have one) is quickly filling with baby grows, cloths, nappies, toys and books. By the way, I’ve started reading the hobbit to you, as I think you’ll enjoy the story more. Was rather worried that the ring-wraiths were scaring you too much. So hypno-birthing has robbed me of the last dregs of innocence. Jean, our instructor, is a wonderfully direct to the point woman, and is making the whole process wonderfully easy for us, especially your mum to assimilate. I have no idea at this stage what your birth will be like, but I am aiming for me to be the first outside contact you have. Also, Mum and I have decided that we’re going to wear you as often as possible. My life is now full up with learning about wraps, maitais and all sorts of goodies. I’m practicing my knots and reading up on the best ways to ensure you’re comfy and safe. I’m also looking into child care alternatives, possibly with me looking after you full time. But that’s a decision for the future, right now I’ve just got to find the right colour orange for your Granny to knit a jumper for you, and to get some curtains ready, and keep on breathing 3 months to go till we meet you Dad xxx

Hello Fred, Well your mum and I are already beginning to feel your presence. You are wriggling around like a good’un at this moment in time, and you seem to be making your opinion felt on several points. 1. You like my funny voices when I read the Lord of the Rings to you. 2. You are developing your mothers taste in music, just without the corporate American rock she likes. 3. You like dolphins. You swam with a dolphin and a manatee when we were in the US, and you seemed to like most, but most of all you like Space. Which is very cool. Recently I’ve begun to think what life will be like for you learning from us. Nic and I are not your typical parents. Your mum will most likely teach you engine gubbins, what molecules make up farts and will help you explore the world in many different ways. Me, I hope to teach you that your imagination is the most powerful instrument you have, that it’s ok to be who you are, and to explore your own boundaries. I am also going to do my level best in building up your confidence, to support you in any choices you make as you grow and to keep on supporting you as you grow, develop. And it’s ok to make mistakes, which for me is the hardest lesson to learn. No matter what, we, your mum and I will always love you. I really am wondering what you will be like; apart from the pooing machine you will be when you first arrive with us. You’ll be pleased to know that we’ve started lessons on how to be parents (cos we will need all the help we can get), and that all those years staring at ladies boobs has paid off as I knew breast feeding positions better than your mum. However, she has the boobs and is a very quick learner. At the moment our lives seem to be making choices on nappies, on whether we have a changing table and the minefield of car seats. So we’re sorry if some of these choices do not work out, but as you’re not here yet, you don’t get a lot of say in all of this. So ultimately, you stay in there, grow, move, poke your mum in interestingly surprising ways and wiggle around when I’m talking to you, and we’ll see you in a few months. Half way there!!