the one with a giant stuff dog and too much lego

Dear Fred, Not long to go now, we’re down to 7 weeks till your impeding arrival. I’ve got plenty of hot water ready, fresh towels and a big catching mit ready. If all else fails I’ve set up a spring loaded cargo net, cos, well I’m not blessed with the best catching skills. I’m pretty certain I know how this delivery stuff works. (Ooh do I need a pen to sign for you?). Your Mum and I were discussing the impact that you are going to have on us, specifically your mum’s sleep. I have reassured her that sleep will become a distant memory for the first 10 years of your life and that I will do all I can to make this time as easy as possible. I keep having dreams though. The other night I dreamt that you required a truck to take you to places; last night I dreamt I put you to bed and all your arms and legs fell off. I think I feeling either over protective or scared of breaking you. Either that or my subconscious is telling me that I played with Lego too much in my life, (nahhhh) You’re certainly having more of an influence on your surroundings. Your mum has been giggling at you quite a bit now, as all of a sudden we have arms and legs flailing about. Also your mum has had a premonition and contrary to my thoughts she thinks you will be a boy. Typically I cannot think of any decent boys names that A. I like, B. your mum will let me have (apparently Darth is not a name). The quest continues, one thing is for sure, you seem to like my singing. I played my guitar for you last night, and you were I believe jiggling around enjoying the sounds. Either that or you were trying to work out which bits to block up to drown out the awful racket. Also you much prefer the hobbit, less scary voices. Oh and stop kicking your mum’s hips. She doesn’t need any assistance in opening up her pelvic area unless you feel you have a particularly large head. Grumps has gone and bought you a humungous cuddly dog. He doesn’t want you to be scared of animals. However, as we have snakes and Uther, the supreme emperor of the universe (all worship his scaly contemptuous benevolence) and Grumps and Grandma have Cookie and Jade, who are not small, nor the least bouncy of dogs, I don’t think you’re going to have too much trouble with animals. By having your own stuffed one, Grumps rationalises that this will ensure you’re not scared of them. To be fair, I don’t think we have to worry about a bed until you are at least 20 now as the dog takes up your room pretty much. And then you get to meet crazy aunty Hels and her collection of random stuff, and if you can survive that then you’re pretty much impervious to known forms of scary things. Not Hels, she’s not scary, she’s lovely! Now I wonder if I can get you Mum to agree to Sherlock, or Professor Pterodactyl? See you soon Dad xxx